Letter to the Editor
Republicans are going on the offense fighting back against the Foley scandal. “It’s the usual suspects”, claim Republicans. The Democrats are behind this! It’s those Lib’rals, like mysterious bloggers funded by George Soros, ABC News, operatives associated with Clinton(s), and Hollyweird. They’re the ones who suppressed the proof until just before the election! After all, we all know that Republicans are far too disciplined to get caught trying to have sex with underage boys just 5 weeks from an election. So it’s the Democrats fault. It’s a vast left wing conspiracy.
It’s not our fault, Republicans declare. Foley was an alcoholic. He had a disease. And he was sexually abused by clergy. (Probably Lib’ral clergy!) And he’s a gay man. He can’t control himself. But we have to protect our children. Our children come first. Republicans are the family values party. So the Republicans are suggesting ending the 200 year old Page program to make sure our children are protected from horny gay Republicans. Republicans are being victimized by evil Democrats who are exploiting this story for purely political purposes. How dare they! How dare they!
The Republican’s can stop Foley because he raises so much money. So much money that it causes anyone who looks at it to go blind, deaf, and lose their memory. But Republicans are going to take responsibility for this scandal that the Democrats started. “The Buck Stops Here” exclaims Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert! What he means is – Republicans are going to keep Foley’s money!