November 30, 2004

Mediation Works when it's done right

I had a legal dispute with a major company over a contract. After years of litigation we agreed to sit down with a mediator. We used the JAMS service in San Francisco and chose a mediator John Bates - who did an EXCELENT JOB and managed to get us to reach a settlement.

In mediation it's not about who is right or wrong. It's not a trial - and both parties have to agree. So the process is all about reaching a deal that every is willing to settle for.

In my case we were so far apart that I had serious doubts that it was going to happen. In fact - at the end of the day we had failed to reach an agreement. I left an offer open on the table till the end of the week and the week passed and nothing.

But John Bates refused to accept failure and he kept the negotiations open, working mostly on the other side to bring them closer to reality - and it paid off. Ultimately we agreed and both came away feeling screwed. But - I've been screwed worse in real court and as they say - a bird in the hand ....

So - my point. Mediation is definitely worth trying and I really like John Bates for pulling off a miracle. It was a very educational experience.

Posted by marc at 09:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Liberals Crossing into Canada

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.

The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.

"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border.

Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

"We're going to have some Peter, Paul &Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."

Posted by marc at 10:40 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack