Marc Perkel Rantz

I don't support Gay Marriage

But I do support civil unions - somewhat

There are several reasons for this and I'm not going to go into them all here. I do believe in civil unions for gay couples who want to bring the state and lawyers into their relationship (be careful what you ask for as they say - you might get it) - but marriage? No.

What's happening in the debate is the battle of the fuzzy lines. And it takes little effort to make the lines fuzzy. For example - a heterosexual couple gets married and one gets a sex change - are they still legally married? Yes. Or - why should non-reproducing heterosexuals be allowed to marry but gays aren't? Why shouldn't I be allowed to marry my sister if I've had a vasectomy? Or marry my father? Or marry my sister and my father? Where do you draw the line?

I draw the line where the line has always be drawn. A marriage is between heterosexuals. Even though I am a non-reproducing male, there really is a biological reason that people get married and everyone on the planet (well - science has blurred that line too) is a result of heterosexual relationships. So the concept of marriage is rooted in reproduction and raising children. Quite frankly - if I were to move the line on marriage - it would be the other way - to restrict it to families with children.

There is more of an agenda here in the gay marriage issue than just gay marriages. There is the question of - is a gay relationship "normal". And the answer to that is clearly no - it is not normal. It is in fact abnormal. And that's what a lot of this debate is all about - the issue of what is normal and what is not.

Having said that it's abnormal - how abnormal is it? Well - it's not really very abnormal. For those who were "born gay" which I do believe that most gays are born that way - it's a physical birth defect. It's equivalent to a hormone imbalance. It's less serious that something like juvenile diabetes. It is far less socially deviant that someone who is a cigarette smoker for example. So - on the scale of what is normal - it's somewhat abnormal but not as abnormal as smokers.

Back to the politics and the fuzzy lines. The real issues behind the issues of gay marriage and gays in the military (something you don't hear about since Bush became president) is how do we treat these people and how do we all get along together in society? Gay people have relationship - fall in love - and want to be together and feel normal - or relatively normal - without being harassed for who they are. The problem is that everyone - including gay - wants to treat it as a right or wrong issue. For both sides it all or none and both sides are dead wrong on that point.

Sexuality is a fuzzy line problem. Both sides of the debate are going to have to lighten up. Yes - it is abnormal. If you are gay and you are arguing that there is no difference between a gay relationship and a straight relationship - you are wrong. However - if you are anti-gay and you think that anyone who engages in sodomy should be put in prison - you're dead wrong too. I can't seem to make a good argument that anal sex between a man and a woman is morally different than anal sex between two men. The bottom line is - being gay is a defect - but it's not a serious defect. It abnormal - but not so abnormal to make a big deal over.

One of the big problems in this debate is the politics of it. The issue of gay marriage for gays caries symbolism. They were persecuted as children and have felt that they are inferior. Now they are coming back and declaring that they are not inferior that they are the same as everyone else and that the marriage issue has become a metaphor for getting society to declare them normal. That somehow if they are allowed to get married that all their self doubts and self image problems will go away.

On the other hand - heterosexuals are concerned that once gay marriage is allowed then children are going to be raised thinking that there's no difference between heterosexual and homosexual relationships and that straight kids will be taught to be gay. And they have somewhat of a point here. What we teach children is an issue and what the extremists on both sides are promoting is dead wrong. But that's a different rant.

So - I do have to agree however that gay marriage dilutes the meaning of marriage and denies the reality that there really is a distinction. For the purposes of equality however - and in recognition that although it's abnormal it's not that abnormal - that civil unions be allowed so that gay couples can adopt children - make medical decisions for their spouse - and have survivors rights and such.

Having said that - there really is no such thing as marriage anymore really. The institution of marriage is a fraud. Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment to a relationship and if you get divorced - you're breaking that commitment. You can't go to the government and have the court enforce the lifelong commitment part of the marriage contract - but they will enforce the mutual property part - taking away everything you both own and giving it to a pair of greedy lawyers.

Marriage is really just a really bad property contract. If you've ever been through the divorce process you would never want to be married. And the bottom line is - gays are lucky they are protected from government abuse. If you have never experienced it - divorce lawyers and judges are corrupt beyond belief. If I told you how bad it really is - you would not believe me. If you look at it objectively it as bad as being in the military under Bush. Is this something you really want if you really knew what it was your asking for? It's not.

You don't need the approval of the government to have a relationship. If you want to have a relationship that the government or the church doesn't approve of then just do it and tell everyone who doesn't like it to get fucked.

My advice to gays is - don't depend on others for your sense of self approval because it just doesn't work. Just decide - so - I'm a little abnormal - so what. Why make it a big deal? Don't complain and don't explain.

In fact - if you really want to know why it is that straight guys don't like gay guys - it's not the sexual behavior - it's the god damn whining. Yes - gays are oppressed but not nearly as much as blacks and women are and the more you whine about it - the more irritated people become with you. I can accept bizzare sexual conduct because I really don't give a damn about what other people do sexually. It really doesn't bother me. But it's the whining about it. I can't deal with that. I don't want to be part of your self acceptance problems.

Conversely - those who judge gays as immoral based on their religious beliefs have a far more serious problem to deal with because extreme religion is a serious form of mental illness and is a far more serious problem than being gay.

Summary of Points:

1) Marriage is based on our heritage of reproduction and family gay marriage makes the definition of marriage meaningless.

2) Being Gay is abnormal - but not as abnormal as smoking or extreme religion.

3) Gays should not use this issue as a metaphor for their own self acceptance issues.

4) The institution of marriage is a fraud and not sane person who truly understood how corrupt the courts are would ever get married in the first place.

Posted by marc at August 5, 2003 07:17 AM | TrackBack